How Do I Ask Someone to Be My Liver Donor?
If you are experiencing liver failure and are looking for a living liver donor, one of the most important aspects of your donor search is learning how to ask someone to be your liver donor.
Becoming a living liver donor is a big commitment, so it makes sense to ask the people closest to you first. According to data from the Organ Procurement & Transplantation Network, approximately 62% of all living liver donors to date have been biologically related to the transplant recipient, while an additional 5% have been non-biological family members, such as spouses.
Start your donor search with your family: ask spouses or partners, siblings, parents, children, cousins, aunts and uncles—any member of the family you can think of, even if they are not someone you see often.
In addition to who you ask, it’s also important how you ask. Approaching the issue in the right way—such as by offering information or asking someone to complete a small first step—can make the request seem reasonable and manageable rather than scary and intimidating.
For family members, there’s no need to come right out and ask someone to be your donor when you don’t even know if they are healthy enough to donate. Instead, simply ask them if they would be willing to be tested to see if they are medically qualified to donate.
Some people may not be aware that they can become a liver donor while still alive. For those people, it’s important to mention that a living liver donation involves donating a portion of the liver, and that after the donation, the liver grows back to near full size. Liver donation is a relatively low-risk surgery, and most living liver donors go on to live long, healthy lives.
In some cases, you may not find any potential donors in your family. That can be disheartening, but it’s not uncommon, and you shouldn’t let it deter your search for a donor.
After your family, the next group of potential donors is your friends. To those people, you can say: “I’m asking all my friends whether they are willing to be tested to see if they are medically qualified to donate. Is that something you would consider?”
As with family members, be ready to explain that living liver donation is possible and safe. You also may want to point out that getting tested does not obligate them to become a donor—they may opt out of the process at any time.
The next level in your “circle of influence” is acquaintances—people you aren’t close to but who know you casually or at least know who you are. This could include coworkers, members of any clubs or community groups you or your family members belong to, church members, former classmates and teachers, former sports teammates and coaches, and people who share your hobbies or activities.
The recommended “ask” for this group of potential donors is even less direct: “I am looking for a liver donor. Do you know anybody who may be willing to be tested to see if they are medically qualified to donate?”
The final group of potential donors is strangers, which includes every single person in the world. You may think you have less chance of getting someone who doesn’t even know you to help you in your search, but in fact many liver patients receive living donor transplants from strangers who heard about their need for a liver donor by watching a story on the news, visiting a donor search website, or seeing a social media post.
When talking to strangers about your need for a liver donor, it’s best not to ask them to be a donor at all. Instead, ask them for help spreading the word, which is a low-effort, no-commitment way for them to feel like they are helping you. If they themselves are interested in donating, they will tell you. Suggested script for strangers: “I am looking for a liver donor. Can you help me by sharing my story?”
Remember: your donor search is not over until you have received your transplant. Keep reaching out to as many people as you can, because you never know where your donor will come from until you find them.